IT'S RHIANNON'S BIRTHDAY!

It's your birthday today!

Sorry I mean...

IT'S YOUR JEFFING BIRTHDAY MOFO!

The problem is what to get you...

A card in the post? A chicken to roast? A dry slice of toast? What would you like the most?

Balls to all that!

How about a rat? Or a glass of cold fat?

NO!

You want something fun!
Like a hot crossed bun or a copy of John's new album that he's tried to pop up my bum?!

Nope! (Or maybe just the shamefully plugged album sans the suppository?) you're no dope!
If you had played your cards right you could've been pope!

No, no!
It's your jeffing birthday and you're no teen, you weren't really expecting a card in the post were you?

It's Two Thousand (and fucking) Thirteen!!!

The web is how things are done! You know it's true, don't act dumb!

It's your birthday! It's not a myth! I suppose your going to get an album by a man named John Smith!

Here's the thing, you're my sister and it's your special day!
I'm going to give you an internet hooray!
But my buddy has an album out right now! It's out today!

So here's a happy birthday, my electronic shout out!
It's here so you don't have a cry or a pout.

Listen you arse, I'm no poet and I fucking know it, I'm lacking in all manner of class!
But, for you on this day, I'll make an exception, I won't pay for a Moon Pig card or make mention
of the time you insisted on dressing up as a "Bat Baby" at my super cool 7th birthday Batman convention... (That shit was wicked cool!)

I'll just say this, I'm your brother, I love you, I'll always take this piss (out of you that is!)
And for whomever is reading, go and buy this!

Happy Birthday duder!
Have a great day!
Lot's of love on your birthday, your brother C.J